BY THE RIVER / A DAUGHTER OF THE MOON

Oloibenia is my name and ours is a pastoralist community. In my community, men and women have their traditional roles which dictate part of the gender difference between men women, boys  girls divide. Gender roles as my grandfather taught me, is culturally determined in many societies. This is normally not the case in societies which have attained “cultural independence” where individuals are free to chose what they want for themselves regardless of what their cultures dictate. 

In accordance with my community’s expectations, by the river I would sit after a long day's work herding my father’s animals. The cattle is sacred to our people. We believe that of all the communities in our small world, God Enkai made the cattle specifically for us. There is a very special bond between a Mansun man and his cattle. Thus taking care of my father’s herd of cattle is something I’ve always cherished just like any other Mansun young man. Part of the reason for this is because of the inheritance factor among other important societal  rites which calls for slaughtering of large number of cattle during such events like the men’s initiation. Thus every young man for the two above reasons would protect his father’s herd with his own life if it gets to that extent.

As earlier briefly introduced, Mansun community like any other African community has specific roles for the different groups of people. Part of the reason I sat by the river during this hot afternoon was to water my father’s cattle as this was part of my duties as a Mansun young man. 

Just to give you the bigger picture as to why the River Suwa qualifies as my plot for the narration, this water body according to our people is the source of life. It is argued that from this river our great grand parent, the father of the Mansun people emerged. Legend has it that the first Mansun man emerged from these waters with his wife and a herd of cattle. From then on, the story has been told and retold to many generations . This thus made the river be called the mother or source of life. It sounds more of a myth to a mind that has accessed civilization but not to the Mansun people. This is our version of the creation story as the Genesis is to the Jews and Christians. 

Its relevance as a source of life over the years is also emphasized by the fact that the community depends entirely on it as a source of livelihood. We water our animals at the legendary river and our people come for washing and bathing at the different points of the river along the valley. More important, our women come for cooking and drinking water from the same rive. Yes, our young ladies too came to the river for water to take to their mothers back at home.

Thus, this river is the centre of Mansun people’s daily life. It is so significant that our people say failing to come into contact with it in one day was like missing out on oxygen. A story is told of a young man who drowned in the river for talking ill of it. River Suwa is our sacred Shrine because our god’s live in the deepest point of the river and its from there that they created man and our cattle.

Until after my initiation followed by the frequent visits with  the young men to the river Suwa to water  the cattle, watching and teasing the young ladies coming for water  with their pots, I didn’t get why my grandfather used to call my late grandmother  “My Suwa of Life”

Life for any Mansun family starts by  river Suwa when the young people meet in the course of performing their different culturally gender prescribed roles. This is when they have undergone initiation and are allowed to freely interact with their counterparts of the opposite sex. This is followed by the traditional strict courting supervised by the uncles and the aunts not excluding the grand parents whose constant counseling is key for marital preparation. After a guy had identified a suitable lady, he would introduce her to his uncles whose role was to do thorough investigation into the lady’s family back ground.  This was not necessarily done with the lady’s awareness. She would be left out of this until the young man’s side was certain of her suitability.

I had already had my share of the famous boy-grandfather man talk with my old boy, my grandie. In addition to this, my father had not been left out. From these lengthy talks, I was confused at some point as to who was in need of this “water of life” as he liked putting it. With his constant prodding, I developed this habit of taking longer than usual watching as I grazed my father's herd by the river. Not that knew what this stay longer by the river advice was all about. 

Grand Pa insisted on this adage that the grass is greener by the rivers. As far as I am concerned, I don't think this was or is the only place where grass grows greener. I have my own eyes and trust me, I can see far and wide. I've been in the business of feeding these animals since I was five years old thus I know where the grass is greener. I am also familiar with the colours. I can differentiate blue from green, orange from red and so on. I have in fact crammed the colours of the rainbow. Despite the fact that I consider my wisdom reliable enough as far as judgment is concerned, the old men's words make me doubt my judgment. "Son, I know you have come of age and I believe you know what is good for yourself but it does not hurt following the wisdom of those who have been there before you. Ever since your great grand mother begot me some hundred and something year's ago, I have never heard of anyone dying because they opened their ears to word's of wisdom. If an old experienced sailor points out to you the deepest parts of a sea, will you doubt him?" he asked after a long monotonous conversation. "I wont doubt grand pa" i replied absent minded. Its latter on that I came to know who the experienced sailor was and his been there stories.

Grand pa had a habit of following his lectures with saying which he never explained. Thus I had to derive meaning from his long never ending talks. Grand pa like any other wise and respected member of our community lived by his words. He believed that the most nutritious and greener pastures were by the riverside. This thus offered the basis for my thoughtful evenings watching the young ladies and trying to question the old man's reference to grand mother as his "Suwa of life"


This habit of grazing the animals and taking them to river Suwa long before the other young men and leaving late went on until one this feminine character emerged. 
This is not to mean that she was the first i had seen. Our mothers have brought up many beautiful daughters. I had always seen, met and talked to some of the finest feminine creatures that came with my visits by the river.
This time round, there was something about this one character that was above normal. I was seated under an acacia tree staring into the distance. Nothing of interest was visible and my mind was wondering off into the horizon. I was almost dozing off due to the effect of a warm evening breeze and the comfort and serenity offered by the acacia shade. Some of the animals were peacefully regurgitating the day's cud.

Ole is the daughter of the moon. Surely as far as i am concerned, the beauty that struck me was way beyond the normal. I can clearly remember how she invaded my dreams long before she came into this earth. Its like i saw her descending from the clouds with grace and style. Before i could comprehend what i was seeing, i woke up from my dreams and from a distance i saw beauty like nothing else. With a smile that radiated and still radiates than the rising sun, eyes glaring like the morning star, a nice African curvature, golden brown skin, she greeted my eyes. I cant tell what really ensued after this but i only remember my mouth uttering something like "Can I help you get the water? I know of where the river flows gentle and the water is Cristal clear and clean"

May be i flattered her with my acted superficial gentleman's nature but she obliged to my request and i took her for a walk along the river to where the waters flow clean. This was the best day of my life in the company of a lady i kept wondering later on" Where have you been all these days?" I had been all over our village but i never set eyes on her. Surely she had come from the moon.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months which bore years describing  life in the company of a daughter of the moon. Ole is a lady everyman would kill to have. She passed the uncles', aunts', grandpa's test of an African woman. She makes my wisdom complete cause she has her own unique perspective of issues. If only she had a chance in the white man's education ladder, the top would have been her destiny. Principles govern her life and hard work and the desire to succeed defines who she is. The last time i overheard the women speak, they called her the wise woman described by a man they called Solomon in Proverbs 31. Maybe I'll have a look at this famous book one day since Ole has been mentioned in it. She is a defender of our fathers' faith and a key observer of our people's traditions.  

As i write this article, its been close to eternity since the occurrence of the narrated events. My Ole  has been by my side close to infinite years. She just left for the river a while ago and i already feel the pinch of her absence. I know its going to be a hard day for me cause i hear she is taking our little Marion for an evening walk. Apparently, Marion is 10 years old and being the woman she is, Ole is training her in the ways of being a woman of substance. They have left for the river. Yes, for river Suwa. 

Grand Pa is long gone but his wisdom is still fresh on my mind like the morning dew and the echo of his voice calling Grand Ma "Susa of Life" still rings in my ears. Life is one big circle. Nothing gets lost. Words said long ago are still in the air waiting to be repeated. Our son Musa is coming of age and soon and l promised to tell him my story of how i met Ole, my "Suwa of life" by river Suwa. He will soon be visiting River Suwa to water the animals and the cycle will be repeated.
This now makes sense. Moses's wife, Isaac's wife Rebecca among others are products of a water source somewhere. The river is the source of life. 

It Must Be Hard Being A Lady

On my way to the office after lunch, I saw this lady that left me smiling all the way. Being a naturally born artist, I am tempted to go into description of what caught my eyes. But lets first walk through this together.

God is  a good God. He literally created women with men in mind and vice versa. He sure is an artistic God. Like iron and magnet, He created them for each other. Like a moth after a source of light, He designed man after a woman. Like a cameraman after a rainbow or a setting sun, He adapted man's eyes for her beauty.

Art is in my blood. I like beauty. If not loving it, then I adore it.  A number of my friends know me for my love for detail, color and anything that catches my optical attention and ignites my imagination. Despite this individual liking for Art, I believe all men are artists in a way. I am talking on behalf of  men because that's the easiest way to approaching my article. I believe men like what they see. Its in their nature to ogle and lose attention even in your ( read girl friend/wife) presence. Forgive him if he did this the last time you were together. Its not his fault. He cant help it.
This might be contrary to what a number of you expect me to  say. To meet your expectations in some way and to accommodate you, I'm going to break it down. After all I need you to walk with me.

At the teenage up to the early adulthood stage, men are more of entirely visual beings. Not that they turn blind when they become adults. I say this because of the saying " The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" Anyway how do we make a 21st century lady go to the kitchen without having to cause 3rd world war at home? Anyway, don't take it lightly. Who would imagine eating a semi cooked food for supper. We all desire good cooking, women included. This statement makes sense to a man whose immediate concern is having a lifetime helper to cover up for his weakness. Women supplement men while men on the other hand supplement women thus the idea of marriage.

Now let me get back to my argument. In my last writing on the L.O.V.E Thing, I went biblical and mentioned Genesis 2:23 where Adam liked what he saw and named Eve Woman because she was from a man's bone and flesh. The idea of Genesis makes me believe that women have had the pressure to look appealing to a man since the creation story.

To stick to the title of my article, it must be really hard for the ladies to keep on lighting the world. Ask Esther Passaris of Adapt A Light organization in Kenya. Men desire to see women at their best. That's what women have been made to believe. Sue me if you don't carry a mirror, lotion, mascara, perfume etc etc in your hand bag. I don't know if that was God initial plan. Its like the pressure to look good, appealing and attractive is so engraved in a woman's mind. Are men to blame for this? Do we put so much pressure on our ladies in terms of what we expect them to look like?

Does every lady believe in the passage Psalms 139:14 that you are wonderfully and fearfully made? I love the way the Psalmist begins by praising God and then ends with reassuring himself that he knows  very well he is wonderfully and fearfully made.

Now back to what I saw after my lunch break. This was an already light skinned lady who had gone ahead and applied red like make up to appear lighter.  That was not strange to me. I'm used to ladies with make up. I have nothing wrong with make up anyway. After all men nowadays also do groom themselves. We also want to get her attention and to generally look presentable to the world.
What I have a problem with is why some women have been made to believe what the world considers beautiful and not what God says.  The grass has been presented as greener on the other side. A light lady has been made to believe black is beautiful while on the other hand a black skinned lady wants nothing to do with blackness nor believes that black is beautiful but does everything to appear slightly light. If only Steve Biko and the black is beautiful slogan advocates had lived much more longer.

It sure must be hard being a lady in a world where the west is the benchmark of beauty. " You are either a Beyonce or a Nun" ...."How will you get a man when the western standards for beauty is waist zero. How do you get a man when they are all after figure eight?"... "You will die single if you are never going to enroll in a gymnasium. "..."No plum shaped lady has ever got himself a husband!" ..."Please invest in high heals or else dudes will bypass you for the model heights..." " If only I had a slightly larger butt, he would not have dumped me for her"..."Are you aware that chemists nowadays sell butts enlarging gels?" That must be the girl talk in most of the women wash rooms worldwide.

Isn't the world unfair for our ladies? Imagine a plum like (sorry if i sound rude) shaped woman living in the western world. Or a slender lady in a traditional African society where a woman is judged by the fullness of her physical orientation. Don't you think the world is a living hell for them if they have an issue with their esteem? Accepting and loving yourself in such a cultural environment can be quite hard. This is because of the strong cultural influence that dictates what is beautiful and what is not. 

It must be really hard having to strip almost naked to make a living. I don't imply that men don't go to this extent but watching a lady in some music videos will drive my point home. Imagine a male musician shooting a music video fully dressed like an Eskimo in the Arctic region and with him are our poor sisters dressed for a sun bath at the beach. It sure is hard being a lady.

While a number of men like light skinned ladies, there are others who would kill to have a black berry. May be its true that the darker the berry the sweeter the juice. On the other hand, there are those who prefer a slender campus figure lady as they are called here in Uganda. God knows us the way we are and has a reason as to why he created us  this way. The heavy weights make good weight lifters while the light weights are the track masters. Both are athletes anyway. We are all beautiful in different capacities.

Is it because no one is made perfect that's why we keep going over board in search of perfect selves? I don't know. The last time I read the creation story, God liked what He created. Keeping it natural and accepting yourself the way you are does not mean you will die alone. It does not mean no one will find you attractive.
Men too have their own pressures. Imagine failing the ladies' Tall Dark and Handsome (TDH) entry mark. It must be terrible for guys too. Some also wish they were slightly taller by some inches. Others wish they were a bit heavier than they are. The bald headed claim to admire Michael Jordan but we know better. Some even have never been to a basketball court. A majority of those with beer bellies curse their hands for never letting go of the brown bottle. But all the same people must come to terms with who they are. If you don't love yourself the way you are who will?
Don't you now believe in God's word through the Psalmist that you are wonderfully and fearfully made?

If not, then you are really finding it hard being who you are.

This L.O.V.E Thing

Note; Man here is a unisex term for both(male and Female).
The modern day world is very complex but human relations is much more complex than it may sound. Its getting harder and harder to get track of events, technology, ideas, fashions. This is because of the fast pace of life. More so, its even harder to understand people. Human relations at times turns quite mechanical.

But then, even with all these changes, both in technology and other facets of life, does man cease to be man? Will he in the long run change into a robot? Can he do away with the fact that his is a fragile and emotional heart? Even with the plastic surgeries, can a change of the normal heart quench the God made desire to love and be loved? Its true that man is greatly gifted, but not gifted enough to change the nature in which God intended him to live.

In Genesis 2:20- ff God makes man a companion. Thus the idea of love is initiated and instituted by God Himself at the onset of the creation story.  When Adam saw EVE, in verse 23, i like what he said;         
          "Finally! A person like me...." Easy to read Bible version
In modern day context, that may be would have been something like " Wow, this lady is heavenly cute..." Don't you agree that that was love at first sight? Even if you have a different opinion, Adam must have liked Eve for them to co exist.That right there is the idea of attraction.

Love is a beautiful thing. We all feel the need to be cared for. Some times ago, i was watching a cartoon movie of the English fairy tale Jack and the beanstalk. I do enjoy animated movies the likes of Cinderella and the seven dwarfs among others. What got my imagination is how the giant was forcing a little girl to sing for him. When the girl refused, the giant cast a spell on her and she turned into a harp. The idea of music and a harp brings out the fact that even the mightiest of men have a soft spot that needs a tender touch. That might only be a fairy tale but its quite logical even in modern day life where giants and fairy tales are no longer told.


Despite this evident need for love, some still find it hard to believe in it. Men are told that they should be stone hearted while women are urged to be gentle, tender and caring. Does this imply that men need no TLC? Was love meant for women? No. Love is a universal unisex feeling. They say it a universal language that even the blind, the dumb and the deaf understand.

Some years back, a friend, Solomon told me of his experience of relationships. His was a touching story. He narrated of how he was once the good guy who would do everything  for the lady he loved. He had met " The love of his life" at a Physics symposium while in high school.  Solomon would make your favorite candidate for the most disciplined student's award. The one whose name never appeared anywhere in the noise makers list. This was your index one and the hope your village school. He had no prior encounter with this monster called "attraction aka l.o.v.e" He had sworn to wait till he was in college to get a girl friend.But here he was, a victim of what I called attraction 101.

I liked his vivid narration of the whole encounter. According to him, he had fully armed himself with the basic physics points. Although i was one of the poorest if not the poorest physics performers, with the explanation of how he had seriously equipped himself, what was "rocket science" to me sounded easier than ever before. I hope you get the idea of how our Einstein was ready to conquer all the visiting schools.

He had a momentary paradise in front of the hall explaining the kinematics-motion of objects. For the first ten minutes, the guy was going through the points like what Odili was doing in Chinua Achebe's "A man of the people" eating hills with his bicycle like yams. This was until she majestically walked into the room. The door was right in front of the thirty meters hall and the eyes met. The beauty that struck our poor Einstein was enough to take away the genius mind and replace it with a blank one and in addition give him a  stammering tongue. This according to him was the most breath taking scene he had ever seen. He told me amidst laughter that he can still remember how his knees got weak, his hands started trembling and how he nearly pissed on himself.

For the sake of my impatient reader who is cursing and asking that i hit the nail on the head, the guy eventually got the chance to sit some meters from the lady and after gathering all the strength in his then weak body, he managed to say hi. With the help of his close buddy Hakim, he managed to get the lady's contacts. The lady's parent's happened to have named her Zuena. The first letter that went like this; "My dearest Zuena,,,,,and ended with some dedications like Celine Dion- The Power of Love" was followed with a reply then another letter and another until the holidays come and went.
I hope you remember your first romantic letter. It was no different.
The firs few minutes meetings were followed by an hour then a day until the love birds were the talk of the village. This to him was the best time of his life. He had just discovered This L.O.V.E Thing.

He loved his girl friend with the whole of his heart as God demands. He was ready to sacrifice it all for her. A trip to the moon was possible if it was what would make her smile. Crossing a crocodile infested river to get to her was not something he could think twice. They went through 1 Corinthians 13 together and told each other sweet biblical and novel stories. They walked by the streams in the evenings. Evening coffee and the sweet lunches was part of their weekends. The surprise gifts and visits, the letters and poems, the sweet songs from his melodious sounding lady are still fresh in his mind. He did not tolerate the idea of having more than one girl friend as most of his friends did. He loved her dearly. He  also believed in the purity of relationships. In simple terms, this must have been the ideal Godly relationship. Some of his favorite quotes were "True love waits"  and " Sacrifice is the true measure of love"
Does this give you the picture of the ideal cross gender relation? This changed when they joined college. What college offered as far as the social life was concerned was totally different from what he had been used to. Had they been acting out of ignorance? Was their relationship based on naivety?

With the excitement of a new born calf and the energy and enthusiasm of a bomb about to explode, the young man entered university same did the beautiful Zuena. Unfortunately for the presumably inseparables, they joined different colleges. Things did not change in the first few days, weeks and months. After all nothing had changed they thought and with the notion that love conquers all, they new they were destined to be together.

With no classes to attend during the first weeks of freshmen's stay in compus, alot of the time was spent together. Solomon would travel to be with her lady over the weekends and so would Zuena. With this new found freedom and lots of time together, boundaries were compromised and new grounds were explored. After all, they had come of age and they were now grown ups they thought.
Things started changing when Eve finally ate the fruit and after sharing it with Adam, their eyes were opened. This new found pleasure formed the new level of interaction. Since i assume parental guidance is applicable to internet access, i would then say that L.O.V.E was equated with S.E.X.

In Africa, its normally said that you don't allow a kid to taste honey and leave the door open. My dad used to tell me that sex is the  sweetest thing after salvation. May be he was right. And i can tell you that from the confessions of a Solomaniac, it sure was irresistible. The two had discovered what their parents and their own principles had denied them. At least that's what they thought and furthermore everyone else in campus was doing it.

This opened the guy's desire for conquering new grounds and the lady on the other hand thought she was not being appreciated enough. She started getting attention from other campus dudes. Little did she know that she was a victim of the dreaded gold rush. Its a ritual in many Kenyan institutions of higher learning. This is where continuing student capitalize on the naivety of first year ladies some of whom have no prior experience of relationships, sex and the heart aches that come with this.

Our beautiful but somehow naive Zuena ended up in the hands of a 3rd year Engineering student called Ben. With a C.V reading two years of the experience chasing after gold, this was yet another opportunity to get unrefined gold. Previous sweet moments with Solomon were overshadowed with the master of the art of woman seduction. This was a new class i call seduction 101. The guy knew how to handle a lady more than Solomon, she thought to herself. This time round, promises of trips to the moon seemed more real and the idea of love appeared clearer than before. The whole days initially spent with Solomon turned into hours then minutes and drastically faded with time. Efforts by Solomon to contact her proved futile. He had no option but to find new love and to move on. It was a new dawn of explorations for both.

After a month of night raving, partying and all sorts of excitement, Zuena had lost all the value she was thought to have. It was like an aftermath of a sugar chewing episode where all the sweetness had been exhausted and what was left was meant for the compost pit. She was left for the dead. Zuena had lost her sense of pride, her  esteem was low and Solomon was nowhere to be found even though she blamed him of letting her stray. On the other hand, Solomon was but a walking corpse. He was empty and longing for the return of the old days even though he no longer felt anything for her once "miss all"

Both youngsters had walked the path of L.O.V.E and the results were nothing to talk about. They had incurred emotional and psychosocial wounds. According to Solomon, he started hating the idea of love.  He never felt a thing for ladies for quite some time. The campus gospel of hit and run made more sense than anything to him. He started forming a chain of girlfriends just as every other campuserian was doing.

Men were but beasts to Zuena. She swore never to give herself to a man. Trusting a man was like trusting the devil himself. Trust was meant for the pulpit and its environs not between her and any human being in a trouser.

This is a story that is familiar to many young people. Any one sharing such a story from a practical first hand angle might think he or she has nothing to do with love. Heartaches are a normal thing. Life is but a journey where we form our own trails as we walk. Its not always a smooth paradise where we walk on already made trails. More often than not, life offers us a chance to tell our own practically experienced stories. That is what makes life real.

If we are born with no maps nor compass but forced to walk through the jungle of life, what do we expect but blisters and scars? All the same we have to give ourselves a second chance to love despite such an experience by Solomon and Zuena. I still emphasize that love is a beautiful thing. Dont get me twisted or wrong.

After going through such experiences, allow your heart time to heal and keep on moving. When pricked by a thorn, take it out, rub some antiseptic and keep on moving. Our hearts are meant to experience the desire for warmth, feel the need to be hugged, pampered and generally appreciated.

I know what it means, to be hurt, betrayed of denied a chance to love cause i am a life's traveler like you. I have been there, bruised but had to keep on moving. After all do you expect me to hang myself because one door closed? NEVER. You knock and if it wont open, you move on.

And if any one comes knocking, be human enough to open and find out who is there and what they are up to as long as you have your principles and boundaries and maybe your weapons intact.  Some have welcomed angels and soul mates unaware.

Dont you know that Christ also is for the idea  of standing by the door and knocking hoping that you will open?He LOVES us that's why He wont tire but keep on knocking.

That is part of the whole idea of L.O.V.E Thing-----JOHN 3:16

Soul Food

One man Karl Marx argued that religion is the opium of the masses. By this he meant that man finds solace in his pursuit of the Supernatural. Man is by all means a religious being. The tendency to worship and dedicate oneself to some particular revered figure is common to all human. What differs is the one being worshiped and the level of commitment and belief.

Religion has numerous definitions but one that strikes me most is the vertical relationship between the worshiper and his/her god. This is a strong belief in another who is considered powerful than thyself. Thus the Christian who believes in Almighty God, the Muslim who believes in Allah or the traditionalist or Animist who believes in the forces of nature all adhere to a power they consider beyond them. Even the idol, cult worshiper also believes that the idol has in some  way more powers than him/her.

Man has been known to have a number of motivational levels according to Abraham Maslow. Man has a hierarchy of needs. According to Maslow, the physiological needs are the very basic. Man will attempt addressing other needs after the basic needs have been met. As long as the stomach is full, one can actually sleep out in the open. This is followed by security needs then the need for love and belonging.
Its utterly unthought of for human to live on their own. We all need family and friends for psychosocial support. Just like little kids, people need confirmation that they actually belong in a stable social circle. We need to be loved and to be offered a chance to love in return.
After everything is said and done and that one has registered success and wealth, we feel the need to be appreciated and respected. Esteem need is key as it crowns our achievements and in a way validates our social status in front of our peers. People want to feel confident and respected in the company of others.

Up to this point, many people could be smiling cause they have in a way attained all the above. Maslow again goes ahead and talks of another level of human need which is self actualization. Here, the shape of a pyramid Maslow chose makes sense to me as the number of self actualized people is quite low in the whole world. Many have had wealth, have achieved impeccable success in their careers but still they are yet to be self actualized.

How many parents out there have ended up forcing their children to pursue career paths they themselves wished they had? how many doctors, accountants, psychologists, sociologists, lawyers do we have out there and are hardly enjoying their careers? Many. How fast is the practice of yoga taking shape all over the world? The spread of fire on dry savanna cant compare to the speed. People are in dire need of inner peace and satisfaction thus the Asian practice of meditation is gaining popularity world over.

In my opinion, Maslow should have or maybe he did talk of soul food. Self actualization is where people have attained their full potential. These are individuals who have lived life to the fullest. They have in a way satisfied their inner souls.

For some of us who have not yet reached this level of complete peace with thyself, Jesus offers the solution to our lack of inner peace. 
Human beings as we gave seen above are in constant communion with their soul. It is no their fault to want to listen to the inner being. Its because a lot of potential is within. It is argued that if you listen deeply you will find your purpose on earth thus the self actualization desire.
God made us with a reason. He knows why He created us. In Jeremiah, He says I new you while you were in your mother's womb.

One can only self actualize when they have found out God's purpose in their lives. Through constant communion with Christ, our souls find feeding cause God's word and a relationship with His Son Jesus is what our soul desires to feed on. Thus FOOD FOR THE SOUL

A Man and his Women

Men are interesting people. I don't have a specific area of their life that makes me allude to such a description. But what i have in mind is a man in relation to his women. Being a social scientist and a once student of psychology, i at least have a clue of human interaction and behavior. By virtue of being a man, i hope my discussion will even be much easier.

Allow me to talk to African men out there. How many of you have been through the white man's education system cum civilization process. What would make you consider yourself civilized? Is it by the level of academic credentials attained, your foreign accent, the new fashion dress code or the manner you treat fellow human beings with dignity, equality  and respect. May be we are civilized only when we behave differently from animals. Let me divert from the civilization debate cause its a whole discussion in itself.
Historically speaking, during the colonial days, a man would consider himself civilized when he had attained formal education, converted to Christianity or Islam and had one woman for a wife in the case of Christians. The last was the hardest thing to do owing to the fact that African men were and probably still are polygamists by nature( I stand to be corrected).

In the African context, men and women have never been at per. This starts at an early age when children are being socialized into the family and the community in general. Boys are trained to be conquerors( of women in this context) while women are nurturers and care givers. The man is thus trained to look at himself as the supreme source of authority both at family and community level. Men are entitled to inheritance of property, payment of dowry. Such makes it seem women are part of a man's property since she is "bought" by payment of the bride price. But is Africa the only place where dowry is paid?

Maybe we ought to embrace equality of genders in the way we socialize our children, the manner in which we distribute resources, opportunities and generally equal treatment of all people regardless of their being male or female.

The problem is that this is easily said than done. I am not an equal rights activist. I am just trying to imagine and ask myself questions. Is it that men are created differently than women? I am a young man and this means i am in my prime years of interaction with fellow young people thus the title, African Man and His Women also affects me greatly.
How do men socially interact with people of the opposite gender? On this, men will agree with me that men find nothing wrong with hitting at more than one lady. This does not necessarily imply that sex could be part of the interaction although in many cases it is.What surprises me is that a guy in such a multiple relation can never imagine his girl friend seeing another guy leave alone sleeping with him.

This is selfishness that men justify in many ways. All the same, the equality debate comes in.
How different are the two sexes as far as emotions and sexual feelings are concerned? Is it that one has a higher drive to posses the other?

Polygamy in Africa is not a foreign word. It has always been a part of many traditions across Africa. Many great chiefs and ancient traditional and modern leaders have had more than one wife.
A good well known modern day polygamous leader is King Mswati of Swaziland. On Monday 12 Oct,2010, 1000 girls participated in the Umhlanga Reed Dance where King Mswati was  to choose his fourteenth wife. Yes fourteenth, you heard me right. In 2005, 50,000 girls participated in the dance.

In the United States in the 1840s, the Latter Day saints' prophet Joseph Smith saw nothing wrong with plural marriage among the believers in his church. Although the practice was condemned by other churches, plural marriage could still be a practice in many western "civilized" traditions.The tendency by men to hit beyond their marital bed is present in nearly all cultures.Ask Bill.

On the other hand, polygamy in some religions like in Islamic countries e.g Saudi Arabia, parts of Asia and other African countries is allowed.  This is also very evident in my country of residence,Uganda. The practice here is rampant owing to the slightly high Islamic populations in Mbale town.

The above statements on Africa and plural marriage implies that some Africans see nothing wrong with having more than one wife since the tradition condones the practice as seen in the Swaziland Umhlanga dance for the king.

This is the 21st century and Africa is fast developing. Education, religious pluralism, acculturation describes the African context. Does this mean African men have nothing to do with their women? The answer is NO. Men and women were created to be companions. The African man both in town and in the village is still in relation with his women.


Polygamy is still there even in marriages. Don't pretend to be surprised. I know you know this. The practice has taken a new shape. They now talk of "mistresses". These are girlfriends who are pampered by some married men without or with the knowledge of the wives. The interesting thing about this phenomenal is that few of the victims consider it to be  the modern day polygamy. Maybe we should call it promiscuity. Young people on the other hand are not left behind. They talk of the thrill of social conquests.

But what does the bible have to say on this?In the beginning, (in Genesis) God made man and out of the man's rib, He formed a woman. Mark you it says one woman. There are other many verses that expound on this one man,one woman relation. If this is entirely the case, correct me and I'll write on "A man and His woman"

For my fellow men out there, is there a point when you have considered imagining your woman with another man? An abomination!!! My question is, why am i comfortable hitting on another woman when i cant imagine my wife giving out a sisterly hug? Talk of A MAN AND HIS WOMEN.

The weather is Hot and Cold

The first time i came to Uganda was in December 2003. This was during a youth camp which was to take place at Fort Portal in southern Uganda some distance from the Ruwenzori mountains of the moon. What struck me the most about this country was the difference in weather compared to our once whiteman's highlands. In short, being Kenyans on the other side of mount Elgon, precisely kitale, we expected Mbale to have almost the same weather patterns. But this was not the case. In fact natives here say that you can tell whether one is a Kenyan by observing their dress code. Kenyans are always in pullovers. Maybe we are used to the frequent rains.

To cut the story short, Mbale is a nice place to live as i have noted over the years. I have been coming here almost annually for the last seven years and its been fun. After completing my college education in Nairobi, i got a chance to work at the Good News Production Intl office here in Mbale.
It has always been enjoyable but one of my main challenges has been the high temperatures. I am sure I've lost considerable litres of body liquids here. It quite hot both during the day and at night. The fan serves us a great deal in making things better.

One funny encounter was in Mayenze which is an area behind the Wanale hill. After a lively service at the church, we were hosted by our brothers and as one would expect in African homes, every delicacy was there;from chicken meat, traditional pounded bananas(called matoke) meat, rice, name it. I could have  eaten more than i did if i  had carried my hunky. I hope you know what i mean. I  was sweating seriously.

Okay, for the geography lovers, let me give you the mental picture of this second most important Ugandan town. Mbale is located on the western side of Mount Elgon. Close to the town you get a very beautiful view of a hill caled Wanale. The hill is between Mbale town and Mount Elgon to the East.

With this in mind, one would expect my story to be different. Maybe its because i know nothing about weather and the Leeward, windward sides of a mountain. May be you are right, may be you are wrong. All the same, l have learnt something from this. Life will always offer you many faces. If you are my type, you will think Mbale is a desert but there is the rainy season after a dry spell. He who knows no rain will never carry an umbrella but he who knows the many sides of weather patterns will arm himself/herself appropriately at the right time.

The cold describe the preseason here. Though it might not have really started raining, but the recent cold makes me miss the hot sunny days that characterized the months of August-September
LESSON: There are two sides of a coin. Stop complaining and wait for the Lord's time. After all the weather here is HOT THEN WET and for others, Summer, Autum, Winter and Spring is a normal thing.