THEATRICAL ANTICS OF LIFE

It’s end of January 2011. For those who are expected to be present behind a desk to earn a living are squarely seated I hope, even though some still leave a coat to signify their presence when in reality they might be long gone. It has been one of the longest never ending months.

As unexpected as always, enters Martin. For a briefing, my brother Martin and I attended the same primary school in the days when every teacher’s slogan was spare the rod, spoil the child because after all “children had no rights” and parents and teachers hated the young ones by disciplining them. Fate had it that we go through different high schools but eventually we met again as staff mates at a private school where we worked as untrained teachers while we weighed the available options and routes to take in life.

As usual, we started teasing each other reminiscing the early days as teachers. Of particular interest to him was the tie I was wearing on this day. “I see you are doing well. The tie says it all…..” started the conversation and in the course of my defenses, we talked in length of the days in front of the chalk board. “aiiii mwalimu, I am only doing what I was trained to by the Head Master” I responded followed with a laughter ignited by the funny memory attached to my response.

The world is one big theater where the characters have mastered their roles thereby knowingly or unknowingly showcasing their best sides. This is true to many people who will agree with me that some of the best phrases we encounter on a daily basis could be something like “best foot forward” or “fake it till you make it” or “You only have one chance to make the best first impression” which is said to be a lasting impression, or “image is everything” Others talk of “washing your face before you leave your house”

The last phrase reminds me of one of our favorite teachers at the private institution. Apparently, the school had been struggling paying the teachers at that time. Even though, things have tremendously improved over the years. Life had been tough and at some point we would be engaged in friendly heated debates with the head over lunch break but of course passing the point, “we need our money sir.” Being talkatively humorous, he would spice up our discussions with defensive stories of how thing have not been easy on his side either. Some of his favourite phrases would be something like, “mwalimu, ukiona hii tai jua naficha shida…sio rahisi/I am only putting on a tie to cover up what I am going through. Things are not easy” he would follow this with other humorous stories amidst laughter from the staff of young teachers. He was the eldest in the staff and of course more experienced.

“Mwalimu you don’t walk out of your house without cleaning and oiling yourself just because you are not on a constantly coming payroll. Look at me, I am well groomed that the local people unaware of the hidden reality think I work with a financial institution. I have to pay a barber a visit and say hi to the shopkeeper so that I can afford some shave and facial oil even if it is on credit. You don’t just hang your dirty linen on the cloth line for every passerby to see. And when you are fasting, which I do all the time…” he gets interrupted by an enthusiastic laughter from a bunch of youthful teachers who look up to him like a father. “Walimu when I fast, be it out of spiritual inspiration or otherwise, don’t expect to see me wearing a gloomy face. In fact on such a day, I put on an unusual energetic plastic smile and shake people’s hands firmly to suggest that my fire place back at home is still warm” he would continue encouraged by his attentive and smiling audience.

“I am looking at you and this reminds me of my youthful years. We grew up in the rural areas where most of our guest houses were small round thatched huts with walls made out of mud. But whenever she agreed to visit which she would never easily do us they do nowadays, the room would undergo an image or appearance uplift session. The mud walls would be covered with news papers and old magazines just to make the room have a better look and appealing to the eyes of this treasured visitor or else you would be on the losing end………..in the event that things worked out over time and the dreaded visit had to be made, the young man had to grow wings instantly or otherwise. Since majority could not grow wings over night, hiring them was the available option. One would do everything to access a suite for this day. And as if that was not enough, many would hire a vehicle just to improve chances of a yes from the parents of the girl. And when the day came, a young man who might not have been even employed yet would still ensure all his pockets had something just in case you had to prove you could take care of someone’s daughter. A one thousand shillings note converted to fifty shillings notes was enough to save a day. From the guy at the gate (in addition to being called mkubwa/askari/soldier by a guy who would on other days even despise him), the lady’s brothers, uncles, aunts, grandmother and any other ability tester had to be made practically aware that father Christmas aka Mr man (the M pronounced in capital) was around and that they needed not worry cause their daughter had indeed landed in good hand. Just to remind you, the young man might be still unemployed and from the look of things, it might take some time.

Life is one big rolling stone but you can’t just let people have the slightest imagination on your inability to roll it….Even the most untidy person will ensure that their place is clean on a day visitors are expected.…best foot forward always”

Life has taught us to be fearless stone faced warriors but deep down we are crying, bleeding and praying for a way out. Life teaches us to omit the word surrender from our vocabulary but reality calls on us to sometime give up on what’s beyond us. We have been trained to conceal pain. Ask a man who has faced the knife in the traditional way. “Real men don’t shed a tear. They conceal pain regardless of whatever sting or misery they are going through” goes the pep talk from the morans. And as the popular parental phrase goes, boys don’t cry.

These were some of the life lessons that I got for free as we enjoyed the breaks away from the usual chalk, black wall, and excited pupils environment. I sure learnt a lot from such moments. When I look back, I confirm his words that knowingly or unknowingly, life has trained us to show of our best face. Being still young and full of energy, high hopes and ambition, an attitude shared by majority of our freshly graduated young souls, we know the usefulness of a CV. Curriculum vitae sums my article. In fact I can as well change the title to be something like “Born to always present a CV” Yeah, we live presenting our best side more often than not.

A CV to a job seeker is meant to talk on their behalf. It’s unfortunate it leaves out the other real side of us. The most interesting thing is that not everyone happens to be the person they say they are on their CVs. Most of the time people go through their CVs and adequately prepare, read, research, what I call doing the homework. Many are not as sporty as they claim. They have gathered all the information on the La Liga, Bundesliga, English premier league, NBA just to survive the noose when the calls for interviews come.
Hey hey…don’t get me wrong. I’m not disclosing our survival secrets. This is life and even the HR bosses know that because they too went through the same fire baptism to get to where they are. After all who wants to die of starvation just because they didn’t tell the world that they are good at something and needed payment in return?

This is life. We got to survive and in some way actualize Darwin’s survival for the fittest theorem. The best theatrics master/mistress wins it all. Ask the urbanites what this statement means and you will understand better. In the yet to be published mental series book “Urban Ideals” the writer shares the pressures of living the life of your dreams in the land of reality. In simple terms, it’s playing the role that life has not blessed you with yet.

Everyone would always wish for these words to confidently come out of their mouths at any time, “I am proud of who I am and where I come from” but sometime the pressure to live a theater kind life is so intense that we are forced to deny our real selves. For instance, in Urban Ideals, the writer talks of a person who comes from Nairobi’s estates like Kawangware but says he lives in the neighbouring Lavington which is a prestigious estate. Another from Mathare would claim to be a resident of an estate near Muthaiga (they call it lower Muthaiga). For my readers outside Kenya, the president spends part of his leisure time at the Muthaiga golf club. I hope that explains it well. Muthaiga just like Lavington are prestigious estates which to some of us are accessed only in theaters aka dream land. Our friends here are not being deceitful; it’s only that they know how to properly use the word “near” The idea behind the word is to give out an impression which in this case favours one.

Talking of impressions, a cleaner in a hospital might say he works in the wards. Of course it’s true cause that is where he cleans. But the problem is when he becomes the local medical consultant where he lives. The theatrical aspect comes when he proudly accepts the title of a doctor when in real sense he is not one. Don’t blame him; after all he works in the wards.

Another recently case came from Saturday’s trip to kampala. I realized my friend who has been studying in a university in kampala is actually at Mukono. This is a town located some distance from kampala. That says it all. Who would want to live small when people can be made to believe that the character in question is at the top of his/her game? Ask any college girl who is straight from the village and struggles to communicate in urban slang just to raise the stakes and discourage a prospective.

Since some might regret reading this article, find out the truth from Becks and Victoria if you ever get to meet them. But since you and I have little chances of ever saying hi to these high profile figures, ask that ideal ever smiling happily married couple. Find out the pressures involved as people struggle to keep that ring on to appeal to and meet the public’s expectations. May be you should watch Busta Rhymes video “I love my Chick”

It’s one crazy world where we all want the very best for ourselves. This is a normal thing but while we dream of walking before crawling, the majorities crawl before walking. We all dream, so live in reality land first as you work your way to the life of your dreams.

If I was to win an award one day on a book called “Ideals of Life/Theatrical Antics” I would conclude my speech with a quote from a great writer that goes something like this “…Life is one big theater/stage where we keep playing different roles at different times..…”by William Shakespeare. But since that is a dream, I call it JUST A THOUGHT,,,,yeah, just a thought!