A Man and his Women

Men are interesting people. I don't have a specific area of their life that makes me allude to such a description. But what i have in mind is a man in relation to his women. Being a social scientist and a once student of psychology, i at least have a clue of human interaction and behavior. By virtue of being a man, i hope my discussion will even be much easier.

Allow me to talk to African men out there. How many of you have been through the white man's education system cum civilization process. What would make you consider yourself civilized? Is it by the level of academic credentials attained, your foreign accent, the new fashion dress code or the manner you treat fellow human beings with dignity, equality  and respect. May be we are civilized only when we behave differently from animals. Let me divert from the civilization debate cause its a whole discussion in itself.
Historically speaking, during the colonial days, a man would consider himself civilized when he had attained formal education, converted to Christianity or Islam and had one woman for a wife in the case of Christians. The last was the hardest thing to do owing to the fact that African men were and probably still are polygamists by nature( I stand to be corrected).

In the African context, men and women have never been at per. This starts at an early age when children are being socialized into the family and the community in general. Boys are trained to be conquerors( of women in this context) while women are nurturers and care givers. The man is thus trained to look at himself as the supreme source of authority both at family and community level. Men are entitled to inheritance of property, payment of dowry. Such makes it seem women are part of a man's property since she is "bought" by payment of the bride price. But is Africa the only place where dowry is paid?

Maybe we ought to embrace equality of genders in the way we socialize our children, the manner in which we distribute resources, opportunities and generally equal treatment of all people regardless of their being male or female.

The problem is that this is easily said than done. I am not an equal rights activist. I am just trying to imagine and ask myself questions. Is it that men are created differently than women? I am a young man and this means i am in my prime years of interaction with fellow young people thus the title, African Man and His Women also affects me greatly.
How do men socially interact with people of the opposite gender? On this, men will agree with me that men find nothing wrong with hitting at more than one lady. This does not necessarily imply that sex could be part of the interaction although in many cases it is.What surprises me is that a guy in such a multiple relation can never imagine his girl friend seeing another guy leave alone sleeping with him.

This is selfishness that men justify in many ways. All the same, the equality debate comes in.
How different are the two sexes as far as emotions and sexual feelings are concerned? Is it that one has a higher drive to posses the other?

Polygamy in Africa is not a foreign word. It has always been a part of many traditions across Africa. Many great chiefs and ancient traditional and modern leaders have had more than one wife.
A good well known modern day polygamous leader is King Mswati of Swaziland. On Monday 12 Oct,2010, 1000 girls participated in the Umhlanga Reed Dance where King Mswati was  to choose his fourteenth wife. Yes fourteenth, you heard me right. In 2005, 50,000 girls participated in the dance.

In the United States in the 1840s, the Latter Day saints' prophet Joseph Smith saw nothing wrong with plural marriage among the believers in his church. Although the practice was condemned by other churches, plural marriage could still be a practice in many western "civilized" traditions.The tendency by men to hit beyond their marital bed is present in nearly all cultures.Ask Bill.

On the other hand, polygamy in some religions like in Islamic countries e.g Saudi Arabia, parts of Asia and other African countries is allowed.  This is also very evident in my country of residence,Uganda. The practice here is rampant owing to the slightly high Islamic populations in Mbale town.

The above statements on Africa and plural marriage implies that some Africans see nothing wrong with having more than one wife since the tradition condones the practice as seen in the Swaziland Umhlanga dance for the king.

This is the 21st century and Africa is fast developing. Education, religious pluralism, acculturation describes the African context. Does this mean African men have nothing to do with their women? The answer is NO. Men and women were created to be companions. The African man both in town and in the village is still in relation with his women.


Polygamy is still there even in marriages. Don't pretend to be surprised. I know you know this. The practice has taken a new shape. They now talk of "mistresses". These are girlfriends who are pampered by some married men without or with the knowledge of the wives. The interesting thing about this phenomenal is that few of the victims consider it to be  the modern day polygamy. Maybe we should call it promiscuity. Young people on the other hand are not left behind. They talk of the thrill of social conquests.

But what does the bible have to say on this?In the beginning, (in Genesis) God made man and out of the man's rib, He formed a woman. Mark you it says one woman. There are other many verses that expound on this one man,one woman relation. If this is entirely the case, correct me and I'll write on "A man and His woman"

For my fellow men out there, is there a point when you have considered imagining your woman with another man? An abomination!!! My question is, why am i comfortable hitting on another woman when i cant imagine my wife giving out a sisterly hug? Talk of A MAN AND HIS WOMEN.