SECOND THOUGHT

Can one experience an emotional illusion?

Can you make real of a likely mirage in the horizon?

I guess you can if time is part of the equation

Who can see what really makes a person?

Are these just so many irrelevant questions?

The eyes are good but they don’t see beyond the skin

You need more than that to see deep within

I call it the third eye,

Aint so physical can’t be seen with naked eyes

I bet you agree people can be sly,

Physical looks aint everything I must say

A smile for a fool and he will stray,

Blinded by what corrupts the third eye

I don’t want you to die young,

The nation needs you cause you still strong

But you got to watch out that you don’t do it wrong

Wamungu is a goddess,

She is fly, they say she should be an air hostess,

You might be tempted to call her your highness

But do you know the source of her flyness?

I’ll try not judge her to maintain fairness,

After all we could be devils when in darkness,

No one is exempted from some form of a mess,

Have I said you avoid saying hi?

That will be a lie,

I only want you to take your time

So that you know if she really fine

Maliyamungu is not your average guy,

He is street smart I can’t deny,

But no one knows it all,

Sometimes people fail

When infatuations lead to lose of self control

What we all fear is an avoidable fall

Like this one instance I recall

He claimed to be struck,

That was his greeting before I could even ask

To be precise he’s been “love struck”,

It’s a kind of a heart attack,

That’s beyond description,

He wants her badly for a heart prescription.

Mmmh, he calls it an attack for a reason

He needs medication

No one has ever died of thinking twice,

For my love struck friend I didn’t sound nice,

His whole self had been enticed

But I love her for real

If only you knew how I feel

How insensitive could you be?

Okay, all right, I get it now,

I also believe in love somehow,

What about her do you even know?

Don’t you wanna take it slow?

Slow?

Just look at her,

So fine no doubt

A beauty noticeable from afar,

Can’t you see I ought to act fast?

Well, I suggest you relax first,

You call it love at first sight

But find out if the feeling will last,

You never know, it could be but lust.

Now I am scared

But deep down I feel you don’t care

I expected you to support my dare

That ain’t fair

You could be stepping on a naked wire

For instance look at her revealing attire,

Step back if life is what you desire

Don’t say I didn’t warn you of the fire

So deadly that it may make you not sire

What if you breathe your last air?

Don’t you need kids to take over when you retire?

There is need to be worried,

I just feel you are getting carried.

I’m only suggesting that you take time to know her

That way you will know who she really is.

I don’t disagree she is a cute miss.

I don’t wanna overlook this.

But take my words seriously please

Or else this good life you might miss

It’s either a safe wire connection,

Or one that will lead to your damnation

Take time and do your evaluation

This nation needs your contribution

Okay, all right, I see sense in your rhetoric,

I think I gotta pause before I be historic,

But if I miss out on this one,

We will be done,

Who knows, she could be the one.

Naked wire or no naked wire, she fine.

Give her a second glance

Since time will have elapsed

May be then you can make the right stance

Trust me just once,

No one has died from thinking twice.

On that we can throw a dice.

LOVE QUAGMIRE

“When God created you He had me in mind…” is a commonly used phrase among citizens of the love kingdom. Do perfect people really exist? In this regard by perfect I imply people specifically designed for us. The above statement that culminated into an article was triggered by a conversation overheard at a cafeteria recently.

“Hello sweetheart….yeah, I am with Ali having a man talk over some soft drinks…yeah….mmmh. I’ll get back to you …of course I miss you…I’ll see you then. Bye. I love you too.” Jack said over the phone to someone who must have been his girlfriend. “But how sure were you that it was Marion calling? You never even bothered to ask who it was before blurting out your usual intro, hi sweetheart!” wondered Ali who was now leaning towards him as if to whisper.” I know her voice quite well. Why are you asking all this Ali?” Jack asked jokingly as if surprised by Ali’s obvious question.

It was a sun-drenched Sunday afternoon and as usual I had little to do after attending the day’s service at the church in Mbale City. I had visited my uncle for the one week’s end of year break. I was still new in the area with no friends yet apart from my little niece who seemed to be enjoying my company more than I did enjoy hers. Not that I don’t like kids anyway. It’s only that she was hearing from my side more than I did hear from her based on calls of “…uncle, uncle! Please tell me more rabbit stories”

I decided to quench my thirst since it was scorching hot and the attractive cold drinks outside the cafeteria refrigerator were calling for an opportunity to be of help to me. Talk of calls from a wanna-be Philanthropist. Matter of fact my throat was running dry and the little saliva that managed to escape the now almost dry glands could do me no justice. I was extremely thirsty.

Jack and Ali from what I gathered from their conversation were long time pals whose friendship can be traced way back before campus. Jack was this light skinned nicely dressed almost balding gentle man. According to the grapevine that I was a beneficiary of, Jack was in a stable relationship with a fine looking girl friend who happened to be a student at a university in the nearby town. They had been going out for quite some time. What surprised his friend was how these lovebirds managed to stick together against all odds.

“Jack you must be one fortunate guy. I have been looking for my ideal lady for as long as I can remember but look at me. I am in my final year of campus with nothing to show except for the academic papers. Man, I tell you good ladies are scarce. So it’s true that angels went with the prophets’ era. What I don’t know is how I will respond to my grand ma’s teasing question of “who have you graduated with Ali boy?” complained Ali as he sipped his drink while smiling to the last part of his conversation. “Given such a good lady like your Marion, my life would have been complete…” he continued.
“But what happened to Sasha? She is a cute looking principled lady. Furthermore she was so into you?” asked Jack as he tried to cheer up his friend. “Aiii, who would go for that first class gold digger?” came the cynical response. “You know I am not working, dude. I don’t have the money for the ice creams and movies every weekend” he continued. “But I know Sasha well Ali.”Jack persisted in his argument. “She is a good friend of the class spokesperson. She is a committed Christian and attends fellowship regularly. I overheard some guys chatting that she rarely accepts lunch invites and if a dude insists, she pays her own bill. She comes from a well-off family you know.” insisted Jack.

“Honestly I like her but all the same, I just can’t manage her. She is way above my class. Furthermore if she pays her bills then she is the feminist type. Catch me dead going out on a date with that type. Did you just say she is reserved? Wait till she gets caught up with the mid life crisis, she will be all over the place like a sixteen year old who just discovered the word ‘fun a.k.a partying’ on her social dictionary. That is the problem with these so called principled girls. Again let’s face it, who is ready for domestic squabbles as to whose duty it is to cook, change a kid’s diapers or do groceries shopping?” Ali continued the defense. “But I thought you said you don’t have money to take her out…?” interrupted Jack with a light chuckle. ”Women like being supported. A good woman knows how to integrate her man in home duties without necessarily crossing the line. While many complain that there are no ideal men, a good woman knows when she meets a good man and treats him in a way that he will never think of another lady. Where will you run to if at home you have a queen who knows how to nicely treat you like the treasure she considers you to be? I agree that most men have got ego issues but what’s wrong with holding a kid, matter of fact your own kid as your lady cooks? And on the so called mid life crisis, people have the power to chose the kind of life they want to live. We don’t just flow like water on a slope or be subject to wild beast theorem of following the masses.” continued Jack with a tone of irrevocability.

Ali was this good looking guy with lots of stories to share. With a constant smile on his face, there was no way a lady could easily escape the unmistakable charm he displayed. He had the latest blackberry phone money could buy (talk of a guy who is technologically up to date), a cool fitting brown leather jacket, nice cargo pants with a sparkling “peace” labeled wristwatch suggesting taste and style. As if that was not enough, on his feet he wore a pair of jungle canvas kind of rubber shoes. He had a neat Tyson cut on the left side of his square shaped head and a pair of cool sun glasses was part of his almost celebrity-like image. In other words, he had an urban swagger as the young urbanites normally put it. On the table was a bunch of keys which made me wonder whether a car was not in the vicinity. There was nothing to suggest the guy had to hustle for anything in life apart from the apparent predicament he had been endlessly talking about; the inability to find the miss perfect. Money for a lunch date was not the issue here. I just could not tell what exactly the problem was. It is later on that I concluded it had been indeed a case of man chasing the winds.

“Wow, she is too good to be working here. That one is a fine piece of art work but of course not a wife material…you feel me?…a good lady should be…..sometimes, scenes like this makes me feel God must have made man as the rough sketch and finalized His work with the creation on a woman” joked Ali who never lacked words to say in compliment to ladies. The latest accolade followed the coke bottle figured waiter who brought the bill for what the two friends had ordered. No lady passed by without his head taking a turn followed by some whisper and a roaring thunderous laughter. He could not contain his laughter. Maybe it’s true that laughter has medicinal if not therapeutic value. The wanna-be philanthropic was literally bubbling with life.

Within an hour, stories ranged from women, soccer, cars, business and then women again before the sound of Bob Marley’s song ‘’Africa Unite” coming from the phone on the table was followed by; “Now who could this be…?” Ali interrupted a long silence that had now ensued. “I am not in town…I will call you latter…” He abruptly ended a call. “Can’t Shish just get it that I am fed up with her? ...aarggh….honestly I don’t understand these women nowadays.” Followed another complain.
“What is it now Ali… you seem mad at something which I’m not sure about but it must be one of them…right?” came in Jack who had been buried in the day’s newspaper.
“Shish is just being too much. She is so obsessive, nagging and overprotective ….you feel me?.…I hate this in a lady. I need breathing space for heaven’s sake. I won’t be surprised if she hired track-It services for a 365 24/7 surveillance over every move I make.” replied Ali in his usual you feel me trademark.

“So what are your plans for this year’s valentines? You looked out of place in the last one when Marion asked if you had plans for a double date with us” said Jack as he folded his newspaper. “Surely it’s here with us, yet it’s still me, myself and I. But why should there be more and more days to celebrate when there are few, in fact very few good ladies to spend time with? I didn’t have a date for the last valentine and from the look of things, this might pass again. Why do we have Valentine’s Day anyway? I don’t understand why people spend so much on a single day” complained Ali somehow bitterly.

“The problem with ladies is that they grumble that they are being left out of the game as far as fair play is concerned yet they are doing nothing about it. I am looking forward to the days when a lady would walk straight to a guy of her dreams and ask her out. What’s so hard in with introducing yourself, “hi, my name is Miriam and….”what happened to the gospel of equality?”

“Will you ever meet this so called Miss Ideal? If you are waiting for her before you give miss earthlings a shot then you might as well count yourself destined to be a monk till Jesus comes back.
Let me share one thing Mr. Man, there aren’t perfect people or perfect couples out there. None of us is perfect either. We too go through hard times. As Marion likes putting it when we are on the rocks, there is nothing like perfect. If you have this feeling for someone, fight tooth and nail for him or her. Good ladies, just like good men, are not easy to come by and if you are lucky enough to find one do everything that is in your power to ensure that they never leave your side. Relationships are not a bed of roses. It is all about finding that special someone that you will argue with, have numerous fights to the point of breaking down. Then in the midst of all this, you get to a point when something small like a text message gives you this feeling like you are falling in love all over again. You need someone who will stand by you and give you hope even when everything seems so grim and someone who will be willing to go to the ends of the earth just for you. If she is all these to you can you make a move on Sasha?” Jack concluded with a question.

“By the way I forgot to pass Marion’s regards.” Jack interrupted Ali’s ostensibly deep thoughts as he stretched himself as if suggesting they should get leaving. “Now that you are talking of valentines and there seems to be no viable candidate, why don’t you give this a try?” Ali nodded as if in agreement to the idea before throwing in another one of his classics. “Was she not the one in the black tinted BMW that packed at Stella Hostels on Friday?” This was followed by a hearty laughter from Jack as the two stood, picked their bills and headed for the counter to make payment. “You never cease to amaze me. I have an idea, why don’t we talk to Father Walsh and see if he can get you admission into a seminary?” joked Jack as Ali followed the joke with his usual almost deafening laughter.

With no more stories to eavesdrop, I had to find something else to do.

Every woman deserves a good man and the opposite is equally true. There have been debates for many years as to what makes an ideal mate, where does one meet this rare species and what is the assessment criterion. This has been running in many people’s minds when it comes to selection of a suitable date.

According to Robert Coombs in A Value theory of Mate Selection, there are a number of factors that come to play according to social scientists’ attempts to explain who gets to hook up with whom. Coombs in the paper points out to two factors he considers fundamental. He highlights homogamy tendency to be the first of the most striking features in mate selection. He also cited previously suggested theories;
1. Propinquity
2. Parental image
3. Complementary needs and
4. Concept of an ideal mate.

To bring out my argument based on his four prepositions, let me begin by setting straight a number of terms. By definition, values are the principles or qualities by which goals are chosen. In this case the values are the distinctiveness my wanna-be philanthropist is looking for before a candidate qualifies to gain from the plenty that is in his emotional store and other chambers of bounty. Mates are chosen based on a predetermined set of values that act as eliminating factors when a population sample is at hand.

Homogamy by definition is the tendency to chose based on likeness or similarity. This can be having a similar taste on dressing, lifestyle, cultural appropriateness, food, sports and a generally same world view among other things. In simple terms it relates to the proverbial saying that birds of the same feathers flock together. Normally, people who share the same world view have a high probability of striking friendship and or harmony at all levels. In the corporate world for instance, we expect the best results from employees who share in the management’s dreams and vision. While in the day to day life, you don’t discus football or social events if the “friend” in question is a 24/7 365 days indoors computer geek.

Propinquity on the other hand is the physical proximity, nearness in terms of distance and it could also be based on kinship. Kinship could apply to the Indian caste system where cousins are allowed to intermarry. Another good illustration is in college friendships. Some people may attest to living a life of loneliness after college even when they had countless friends at some point in their life. While people struggle to maintain contacts with the scattered friends after college, distance becomes a challenge. It thus makes sense to argue that distance sieves true friends from the impostors.

Some people who may have had a close attachment to their parents as they grew up may consider these influential people as not only role models but taste determinants. It may thus be argued that girls who were close to their dads may expect a replica of the father’s character in the ideal guy. This is also the case with some men. If the mother was an excellent cook, the would-be philanthropist will expect nothing less from the ideal candidate of his good will foundation. This is in accordance to the parental image theory. Parents may end up setting standards for who qualifies and who does not. An abusive and responsibility neglecting father on the other hand helps create a feminism activist out of a would-be wonderful family woman. Men are the worst enemies a lesbian lady is forced to share a planet with when a parent at some point turned abusive.

In the complimentary theory of dating, God created man and woman with the need of each other’s company. This implies He never made them perfect. They still have needs which have to be addressed by the other. This thus validates the famous Biblical mathematics of 1+1 making 1 whole unit. People have needs which they expect the ideal person to address. The complimentary theory may further be illustrated with traits such as patience, anger control, politeness, ability to entertain, orderliness among others that one person may have at the expense of the other. An example is an introverted guy who falls for an entertaining lady, or an impatient, hot tempered guy falling for a polite, soft spoken, patient lady. Other needs could be financial which unfortunately falls here. You may be familiar with the “green card marriages” in the United States. Physical needs, emotional, spiritual among others are also part of what people want addressed by an ideal candidate.

The other factor is one’s concept of an ideal mate. People have their own tastes and this is their concept of what is ideal. You may not explain why a tall lady falls for a short guy, a skinny guy for a physically endowed lady, a white man for a black African queen, a pampered lavishly brought up foreign western lady falling for a ghetto Rastafarian which is a trend among visiting western ladies. The explanation to all this lies in one’s concept of an ideal mate. It could be what presses the attraction button or what tickles your craziest, deepest emotions. Everyone has their own preset conditions that make so and so tick. Some die for the skin colour, others body shape, some intelligence, others sense of humour, morals, principles, beliefs among other traits. This could expound on the values which act as the cut-off mark.

Similarly, as we talk of birds of the same feather, we may as well mention the fact that sometimes the above can be talked of in the light of opposite poles attracting. This is whereby one falls for something that he or she does not have while the object of admiration evidently has it. It’s imperative that I site the male – female natural attraction even though we have had cases of similar poles claiming to attract.

But who is an ideal mate? Do they really exist or is it just another one of those words used in the Holy wood corridors to describe movie characters with specific characteristics. Is it another one of the blindly followed generalized famous description like Tall Dark and Handsome?

It’s true that there are ideal characters in the movie industry. This is why we have movie auditions. For instance, a skinny guy can’t be really suited to act the tough guy, the boss’s body guard or such kind of role. That is true in that particular context. In an effort not to divert from my discussion of an ideal mate, let me pose and ask; are there ideal guys or ladies in the social circles and to be precise male- female relations?

Human beings are wired to relate easily with particular people. That justifies why so and so is your best friend and the other is not. There are people we click with so effortlessly while as much as we try to be nice, some don’t just fall in our inner circles. The same principle applies in dating.

Social relations and precisely dating, calls for compromise. There are no perfect people out there. While perfect does not exist, I strongly believe that ideal does exist. My definition of ideal is what works for you. An ideal date can be someone who sees the world the way as you do. An ideal dating environment is where people accept the fact that you can never have all qualities in another. It’s a question of having all your desired traits listed according to importance and giving room for “not so a must be there” cause in real life, perfect does not exist.

Another perspective of looking at it is to allow for time to be the real tester. While most ladies desire a guy who is well off financially, not everyone is lucky to land a fat pay check first thing from college. This is one of the MAIN challenges some ladies face as far as meeting their ideal guy is concerned. I have seen a lady leave his love just because he was not stable at that time.

Take time to grow together. The problem comes in when we want ready-made food without bothering to know how it was prepared. African wisdom demands that when one is hungry and in need of food, it’s appropriate to go to the river, fetch water, get some food stuff from the garden and prepare your version of a delicacy.
Time is also the key for unlocking the innermost motives of a suitable beneficiary to your love filled, TLC (tender loving care) over flowing brief case. It takes two to tango but it takes time to know if both are into the tango. More often than not, if we are not careful, one could be after the other’s purse, pant among other things.

With time, the once bitter fruit grows into a ripe one ready to give out juice. Given time, a once broke lad can be the talk of town if strings had been pulled in the right direction. For every human being, the sky is the limit. How many are familiar with the sight of a not so well groomed young girl turning into the neighborhood’s blossoming attraction and the talk of the boys once she is back from the university for her holidays? Time has the power expose the underlying potential in every one of God’s creation.

Before you whine of how you have a lot of TLC to furnish while there are no perfect guys or ladies, you should consider picking your words carefully and look around. There could be an emotionally love-starved potential angel you have been by passing all these days. Give chance but have your guards in place. Sometimes we are so much caged by the fear of failure that we forget the key lesson picked while we learned to walk. He who wants to walk must brace himself for the countless number of stumbles as he struggles to find his balance. Confront your fear, live in the real non perfect world and come out of the bitter past, the anger caused by a heart break and give yourself another chance. But as you do this, watch your steps because sometimes people step into ditches that makes life time cripples out of a nations prime generation. I hope you know what I mean.

The world is a beautiful place to be especially when we are willing to overcome our phobia, give people a chance and live each day fully knowing life has no rehearsals as my elder sister likes putting it. Learn to love as God Himself loved and still loves us even with our perfect imperfections.

DISCLAIMER: You are not reading a manual of any kind, this is JUST A THOUGHT.

THE GOSPEL OF ANTI-TRIGGER

I aint doing this for the fame,
I’m in this for the love of the game.
I’m just trying to tame a wild brain,
Before an idea goes down the drain.
But like the Game ma Hip Hop jigga,
I’m mad inside like a broke street nigga.
I aint gonna blame anyone for pulling the trigga,
But on that I got nothing to vent out but anger.
When things are rough, that sometimes becomes the street swagga,
Some make a living from pulling the trigga
But then he becomes his own grave digger.
Leaving behind a lady with an eight figure
But hopeless where to get food she cant figure.
We all end up six feet under,
Just like those families we took asunder.
Are we not our own source of blunder?

Who send a bullet inside Lucky Dube the reggae singer?
And robbed humanity of a peace bringer?
When apartheid was on its peak,
Who was in the studios calling it a regime so sick?
Who helped represent Africa on the reggae scene?
And made the sound so tick?
Say no to the trigger,
It makes my heart weak,
And my knees squeak,
Reggae bring love back.

The Game used a Jim Jones track,
“Better days” came out tight,
He said they got Dre’s beat,
And that life in Africa aint fit,
cause kids got no shoes on their feet,
And that all we hear are bullet shots.
Tell me who shot pac?
East Coast may say who gives a ***k?
But Humanity is bigger than the sides we chose to take.

In the ghettos the story is the same
The trigger can’t be tamed
The police killing in the name of fighting crime
While revenge is served cold by the victim
Is this not a shame?
That humanity can’t control this button,
Not really a natural poison
But a man made source of pain
So deadlier than an overdose of cocaine?
Say no to the trigger.
It aint the best way to make our wallets bigger.

A tribute to fallen heroes.